Circus Monster (Oneshot) REWRITTEN
by m00nprincess
Summary: This is a rewritten version of my previous story (please do not read it!). Oliver lives in a circus and is in love with Len. That's pretty much it. ONSIDED OliverxLen! RinxLen! GakupoxOliver (kind of... /)


**Circus Monster**

You know... I love you. I love to see you whirl around in the trapeze. Your hair looks like gold then, when the spotlights shines on it and it just barely touches the ground when you fall down, before you pull yourself back up In the trapeze again. That's when your eyes sparkle, like blue diamonds. Sapphires. Sometimes I pretend that I'm the one you smile at then, when you once again have tricked death. But in reality, it's the girl beside me you smile at. Rin, your twin and soul mate. Now she smiles back at you, with teeth as white as yours. She strokes a strand of blonde hair behind her ear and giggles silently for herself. Before I used to think that my hair color was the same as yours. The same yellow, almost gold, color, but I was wrong. My hair is just ordinary, dirty blonde. It's not even worth calling blonde. Perhaps that is why you don't love me? Because I'm so ugly, with my bandages and yellow eye. Because I'm so weak and not good for anything. You probably want someone with a strong and clear voice, not a quiet and monotone as mine.

Now Rin is running towards you, and you lift her up with your long arms and spin her around. Her gaze meets mine for a moment and she smiles mockingly, laughing almost as beautiful as you at the same time. As silver that's being crushed. Of course she knows my secret. Maybe you know too, you're her brother, after all, so she must have said something. Right?

He sneaks up behind me, and I don't notice anything until he's way too close.  
_Ollie,_ he whispers, _Ollie, what are you doing here all alone?  
_My eye wanders panicked away from the ground to you, but you're going further and further away with Rin. I'm alone here, in the shadows of the circus tent. And _he _is here, only a few centimeters away. I feel his long, thin fingers travel around my waist; trap me with my back against his chest. He is as cold as ice and his long purple hair tickles the very spot on the crook of my neck where his breath dampens my skin. Just get over with it, I think at the same time as I feel the hole inside me grow bigger and bigger. He pulls me deeper in among the shadows and when he's done with me he leaves me laying there in the dark, alone and naked.

When the moon shines on my body in the middle of the night you walk past me. You notice me. It is the first time ever, but I wish the circumstances would've been different. You bend down beside me, where I lay, cold and fragile. You touch my shoulder and ten thousand lightning's spread through my body. You whisper my name with a sad voice and then you lift my thin body up with your skinny, but strong, arms and carries me to your caravan. The blanket that smells like you encloses me and I fall asleep to your smooth voice that whisper words that I not understand.

Voices whisper and I don't really know if I'm dreaming or not.  
_What is he doing here?  
What was I supposed to do. He would've frozen to death if I had left him outside...  
So you're going to leave me for him? Len, don't you love me anymore?  
Rin… Of course I do.  
Maybe you'll stop soon... Have you not seen how he's looking at you? Have you not notic-  
_It becomes quiet again, just a muffled voice remains, but is soon replaced with heavy breathing.  
_Len…  
_Am I really dreaming? I open my eyes. Two golden blonde persons are standing a few meters from the bed, you and your sister. You kiss each other, passionately. Her hands is tangled in your hair, the hair I've always admired so. Your arms, those that carried me yesterday night, has made their way around her waist and pulls her as close as possible. You break the kiss and gaze at one another, just like couples in love does. You're siblings, yet you look at each other in that way. You're family, are you aware of that? What does she have that I don't? She doesn't love you as I do; I know that, because no one can have feelings as strong as I have for you. So why do you hold her and look at her like that, why is it not me that you kiss? She is your sister, Len. Your sister.

You turn around. Your eyes widen when you notice I'm awake.  
_Oliver… _you say, no, whisper. Rin stands behind you and looks satisfied, doesn't seem to care about what I've just seen.  
_Oliver, I can explain…_ Of course you can, but not in the way I want. Not to try to sort out something that is so obviously forbidden, but to say that I'm the only one, that Rin is a mistake. I shake my head violently, get up from the bed and stumble out of the caravan. You try to grab my arm, but your sister grabs you before and prevents you from touching me.

Darkness surrounds my soul. Tear in me, fills the void with more emptiness. Leaves my heart black and dry like a squeezed sponge. What am I without you, who am I without you? The field that I'm standing on is rocking, or is it me that sways when I'm balancing on the edge of madness? I hear my name being called and turn around, hoping it's you. But you don't have long, purple hair and you're not that tall or pale. Your voice is not that deep and most importantly… Your eyes are not the ones of a predator that slowly bends over a dying deer. A deer that is lying on the ground, slowly tearing apart, writhes in pain. A deer that suddenly bursts out in a hysterical laugh, and only seconds later becomes silent forever.

**Thank you for reading! (or did you just scroll down here to hear me talk too much?)**  
**I'd be really happy if you took a few moments from your precious time to make a review, it means a lot to me~ (Really, a review makes me run around in my house, screaming my lungs out). **  
**Also, please excuse my english, I'm not a native speaker ^^. I know there'll be grammatical errors and stuff, but please ignore those (or tell me so I can change it :D). **  
**Have a nice day~**

_**-moonprincess**_


End file.
